Thursday, January 6, 2011
Post Number Two
I recently got a progress report from my school. All my grades were great, I'm getting a lot of things accomplished but my hours are way behind. Anyone who knows me knows how shitty my immune system is. Anytime I get sick it knocks me out of commission for a while. So I've missed quite a few days at school, also because I hate it there sometimes I just can't get myself out of bed knowing I need to spend 8.5 hours there. Anyway, I am now trying my hardest to force myself to go to school 6 days a week. I'm pretty optimistic that I can do it, especially since I don't really have a 'boy' distraction. Which is a totally different subject on its own. I really don't know how to pick men. All the ones I've been in a serious relationship with or the ones I've spent time with have not been right for me. Whenever I fall, I fall way hard. And with not having a good track record with 'men' its a little disheartening. My past relationship I was in for almost two years, and while in it I totally thought he was the one. He was the first guy I really felt understood me, and I could 100% be myself around. But looking back, there were plenty of red flags. For example, I tend to be pretty open and I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve. My ex was the complete opposite of that, he would not express his feelings at all and it was the most frustrating thing in the relationship for me. He was the one to end it, and at the time I was so devastated and heartbroken because I had planned my life around him. I loved his family so much, and his friends. We worked together, so I lost my job outta the breakup too. I felt he left me with nothing, but I realized I should have never opened myself up so much and let a guy in so much. So I became more closed off, which killed another possible relationship from happening. He didn't feel 'a spark' after hanging out for a week. When we were together I could tell I was being very quiet and awkward because I didn't want to let him in too much. What if he didn't like what he saw? So I wasn't being myself with him, and he lost total interest and stopped contacting me. Pretty discouraging, but I know I am a great girl, and it is totally his loss for not giving me another chance to be myself around him. But I am getting closer with my friends and family and I am pushing through life, and I am so unbelievably proud of myself and what I've become, and I know I will find a good guy someday =]
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I totally understand what you are talking about. I use to fall real hard for the guys that I went out with, and when things didn't work out I have heart broken. After a while I was always afraid of everyone leaving my life and I would be stuck with nothing. Then one day not even looking for it I fell in love and man I got to say it was the greatest thing ever. It was amazing, I got to say. We were together for an amazing two weeks and got engaged. Wow did we ever get questioned by our parents. We have been married for almost three years and I tell you, it's been the hardest three years ever. Our relationship is wonderful, it's just been the "hand" we were drew, it's been nothing but stress over how are we going to pay for this how is rent getting paid, where is grocery's going to come from, oh shit we need tires where is the money for that going to come from. It sure does bring you closer and tests your relationship with all the stress and I would have to say to everyone that didn't think that we wouldn't make it, if we can handle this amount of stress right out of the gate we can make anything.
ReplyDeleteMakayla, I believe that one day you will find the guy you have been looking for. It might not be tomorrow, or the next day but it will hit you like a ton of bricks. I just hope that you keep your eye open and don't shut your heart completely. It could be the next guy you cut his hair, it could be the guy bagging your items at the store, or the guy next door, who knows where he will be, just don't give up, he is out there.
Thank you so much Jessica =] its just hard seeing everyone else find happiness and love, but I know ill find him =]
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